i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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