Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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