have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
