I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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