Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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