idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
