I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
