grandma shit on top of the toilet
high people should be assigned attendants
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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