I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
