he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
