be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
