I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
