if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
North Korea, Best Korea!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
only if we run a train.
done.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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