Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
