I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
