I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
