Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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