My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
