Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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