Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
