yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
