this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
