He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
