This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize