Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
