I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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