Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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