So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
