I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My penis needs a shock collar
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
