ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
