You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
