its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
should my penis look like a turkey
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
