Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
