the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
