Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
