Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
