do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
