She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
