and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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