I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize