I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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