You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
