God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He passed out mid-signature
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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