I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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