they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
