thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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