how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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