I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
