you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My penis needs a shock collar
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
