I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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