i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
