i just google imaged poop.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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