What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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