I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
