made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
