if i died would you start the facebook group?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
