and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
