Got a toothbrush?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
