so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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