Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
