Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
vagina is talking i cant
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
