i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her vagine was all disorganized.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want to be your penis for a week.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
