can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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