I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
