No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
