Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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