for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
