hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
