Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
