I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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