God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
